Holding Grudges and Power

One of the things I forgot to mention about yesterday's therapy appointment is that I hold grudges, and what that means about my personality.  She explained that there are two main types of relationships: the first type is a horizontal relationship, which is the healthy type since both partners are on a level playing field.  Both parties are completely equal.  The other type is vertical, meaning one person is at the top of the continuum and the other is at the bottom.  One party has all the power, and the other has little to no power in the relationship.

When I feel powerless in a relationship, one of the ways that I can exert some power over the person is to flip that plain over by holding a grudge.  Holding on to past wrongs allows me to have power over the other person.  When I do things like subconsciously withholding affection with my husband, that gives me power over him; it puts the ball in my court and gives me control.

Just knowing this about my personality is helpful in that it makes me aware of my behavior and why I do these things.  The problem is that old habits die hard and I'm not quite sure how to let go.  I need to learn to leave the past in the past and start looking forward.  Like everything else, I'm sure it's not going to happen over-night, and I realize that it's something I definitely have to work on, just like learning to set healthy boundaries, be honest and authentic, and express myself.