Thoughtful Thursday

Here it is folks, another edition of Thoughtful Thursday. :)

We talked about self-esteem issues.  Firstly, where they came from.  I told her about the "voices" in my head telling me that I'm worthless and judging everything I do.  She wanted to know where those voices come from.  I said they came from my parents.  I told her that my memories of growing up were always punishment or criticism for the things I did wrong, not praise for what I did right (unless it was something religious in nature).  I felt like every step, every word, every deed would be judged, and now I judge myself. 

She asked me if I'm the same way with my kids. Of course not! At least I don't feel like it.  If anything, I praise too much.  I'm constantly commenting on good manners, or a great picture they drew, or cleaning up their rooms, being a good listener, playing nicely with each other, etc. I mean, I can't say I never criticize, I'm not perfect, but I do feel like I offer positive reinforcement more times than not. 

My therapist pointed out that the only way to change my self-esteem was through myself.  Only I can do it.  But she said that it starts with parenting myself.  I need to take that positive reinforcement that I give to my kids and do it for me, as well.  I can't look to others for that positive feedback, because it won't always come.  Plus, that's looking outside of me for what I need. Like I said, only I can fix myself from the inside out.

In the meantime, she told me to act "as if."  Meaning, if I don't have the confidence to accomplish something, act as if I do have the confidence, and eventually, along with time and patience and reinforcement by parenting myself, I'll grow and the self-esteem will come.

We also talked about how difficult situations come into our lives for a reason - to help us grow and be a stronger a better person.  I need to remember that when someone oversteps a boundary, or when I need to be assertive at work.  If I view it as a learning experience, it makes being assertive a little easier to take.