by Tian Dayton: Today I am aware that it is more difficult to let go of a painful,This is something I really struggle with. Letting go. How do I do that? That's what I want to know. I can tell myself all I want to let go, but it's all I can think about. In fact, I do this all the time in my marriage: I try to change things and it only serves to make the frustration and resentment fester when things don't turn out the way I want them to. I know it's dysfunctional and I know that it's faulty, yet deep down no matter how much I tell myself that I am going to let it go, I don't.
dysfunctional situation or relationship than a happy, healthy one. When
a relationship or situation is going wrong, I become entangled in the
mess, always feeling that if I did just a little bit more, if I tried a
little harder, if I changed something . . . then it would work. When I
come from this insecure place, it really never does work out . . . all
of my frantic efforts only serve to complicate an already complicated
situation and my best intentions fall on deaf ears. Letting go does not
mean losing; it simply means that I am willing for change to occur.
Sometimes the change is so subtle I only know it took place because I
feel better; sometimes it is more pronounced.
I can let go and allow movement to occur.
If error is corrected whenever it is recognized as such, the path of
error is the path of truth. ~Hans Reichenbach
She makes it seem so simple (and I say this with a wry laugh).
I guess what she's saying is that the key is to just stop trying to change things. Give up control of the situation. Let things just be. Even if the only change that happens is that I am a little more at peace because I stop trying to control things I can't. Trying to change a person or a situation only serves to make one more resentful when they don't because the only thing a person can change is him/herself.
(All content is used with the written permission of the author, Tian Dayton).
"I can let go and allow movement to occur."
ReplyDeleteLove that
I can only share how I learned to reach the level to be finally able to change without controlling it. I learned it on one example of behaviour. This example shows my interaction with person X. This example shows how I react dysfunctional. I had to look at this situation in a more detailed way. How did I feel on this day anyway (cheerful, angry)? How did my body react during the event happen? Did I get sweaty hands, feeling heat raising or cold, do I get paralysed? Heartbeating faster, being nauesous? Do I move backwards or cross my arms? Do I raise my voice?
ReplyDeleteHow do I feel during this event? Trapped? Helpless? Defensive?Attacked?
Was may reaction appropriate? Did I overreact? yes, no, maybe? If yes, why? Would best friend behave in the same situation on the same way?
Obvioulsy I analysed my example AFTER it had happened. I learned to analyse my actions and reactions on this way for weeks. Everyday I picked on event and analysed. The time came where I figured I am more attentive and aware about my behaviour. More and more I could act differently DURING the eveent. I could see the change inside me and that I could control my behaviour. I feel empowered. I didnt need to control person X anymore, because I had learned to control myself in the most effective and empowering and satisfying way. HUgs to you